


You were my life, but life is far away from fair

by Publisher021



Series: Publisher021's Whumptober2019 [9]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Funeral, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, I'm Sorry, M/M, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Dies, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony cries in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Publisher021/pseuds/Publisher021
Summary: He never spent too much time thinking about what it would feel like to lose Steve. As crazy as it sounds, what with their job description and everything, he never spent a single iota of thought on Steve dying because he never imagined it would happen.They were careful, and they had plans to stay together until they were old and grey. Well, at least, he did. And if one of them had to die, he always planned that he would die before Steve.Fat lot of good those plans did because Steve dies in his arms, and all he feels is numb.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Publisher021's Whumptober2019 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508237
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	You were my life, but life is far away from fair

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Whumptober 2019.  
> Prompts 16, 29 - Pinned down and Numb

_ The sound is deafening, the ground beneath his armor-clad feet rumbling so hard that he can feel it through the gold titanium alloy.  _

_ He'd turned around for a second and it was that split second when everything went wrong. The building less than a block away from him had collapsed so suddenly that he didn't even have a chance to scan it for any signs of life, much less time to check if there was any way of stabilizing it. _

_ "Barton? Do you need evac?" he asked over the comms, feeling panic set into his very being. Because Clint had been perched on that very same building that was now a pile of rubble.  _

_ "I'm good, Iron Man. Already saved by Thor, thanks big guy, " Clint said, presumably talking to Thor at the same time. _

_ "This is going to be hell to clean up, " Natasha said, and he could just about make out the hint of annoyance in her tone of voice. _

_ "You know, SHIELD should just make bigger versions of those freaky Roombas that Stark likes so much to help with cleanup. For once I'd like to -" he tuned Bucky out, ignoring the way that he and Sam were messing around. _

_ "Cap?" Tony asked, turning around and lifting into the air, frowning when he didn't hear Steve reply. It was unusual for him because Steve always replied straight away. _

_ "Widow, have you seen Cap? Last I saw he was near you, " he said in the comms. _

_ "No, I haven't. I'm sure he's somewhere around here. Probably with SHIELD and the police discussing something or other, " she replied, grunting as she lifted Clint up off the floor from where he was lying down, eyes closed and arms spread-eagled.  _

_ Gross. No one knew what the hell was on the asphalt. It was crawling with all kinds of germs, and Clint was lying in it. He made a mental note to get JARVIS to make sure that Clint sprayed himself down in the quarantine zone back at the tower. He refused to let Clint onto his floors if he was walking around like that. _

_ "Steve? You know, this is extremely hypocritical of you, being the team leader and all. You're supposed to answer straight away. Leave the whole rebellious tendencies to me." _

_ He was starting to get a bad feeling. _

_ "JARVIS, scan the area for any signs of Steve, please. What the hell does he think he's playing at?" he muttered, eyes scanning the HUD in front of him. _

_ "Sir, my scanners are slightly impaired at the moment and I cannot get a clear image, although my scans do indicate that Captain Rogers is in the near vicinity, " JARVIS said. _

_ He growled, frustrated with JARVIS for not giving him a straight answer. "Where in the 'near vicinity', JARVIS? Near vicinity could mean a whole lot of places." _

_ "I am deeply sorry, Sir. Captain Rogers seems to be a block away from your location, " JARVIS replied. _

_ He froze, mouth partway open in an attempt to make a snarky come back when he realized exactly what JARVIS had told him. _

_ There was nothing left a block away. What was previously a building was now nothing more than rubble on a deserted street.  _

_ That meant that Steve was - _

_ "STEVE!" _

_ He shot up into the air, repulsors whining in complaint at the extra energy it had to give out. His suit was barely functioning at the moment, battered and scraped up to the point where he was almost unrecognizable. _

_ But he couldn't care less about it. _

_ Steve was more important. _

_ He hadn't even realized when he had touched down near the remains of the building, moving around blindly and calling Steve's name until his throat was hoarse. _

_ What felt like hours later he heard something faint, and he paused. _

_ "-ny! " Tony!"  _

_ That was Steve! Although, his voice sounded extremely weak and far away. Faint. _

_ "Steve? Where are you?" he called again, moving slowly so that he could check the rubble for any signs of Steve, hoping that he was just being paranoid and imagining that Steve was buried under the debris. _

_ And then he caught sight of Steve, body half-buried under what looked to be part of what was once something that could be deciphered but was now a huge block of concrete. His mind was conjuring up all sorts of images of bugs stuck in amber, frozen in the last positions they were caught in for all eternity. He hated his brain right then because Steve wasn't stuck. _

_ He wasn't. He refused to believe what he was seeing. This was just another one of those instances where Steve would be able to lift whatever was on top of him and stand up again.  _

_ As it was, the rest of his body clearly hadn't caught up to what his brain was thinking yet, because his legs were moving seemingly of its own accord to where Steve was lying pinned under the concrete and he was dropping to his knees beside him. _

_ "Steve? What - how? Wait, I'm calling medevac. And Coulson. Shit, Coulson is going to kill me." _

_ He rubbed a hand through his hair in agitation, grimacing against the sticky feeling of drying blood. That was going to be a bitch to clean out. _

_ "Tony, wait. Don't - don' call anyone, okay? It - it's okay." Steve said, face pale in the afternoon light. _

_ "What?! Steve, what do you mean 'don't' call anyone? You're trapped under a freakin' block of concrete and you're telling me to ignore it, to, to - what? Sit next to you while you lie there? Are you out of your goddamned mind?" he hissed, waving a hand in Steve's direction. _

_ Steve shook his head, slowly, face tightening in pain and Tony stepped forward, hands hovering over his body, panic displayed clearly on his face. _

_ "Dammit, Steve. I can't just - wait. I've got an idea, okay. Just, trust me, okay? I'm gonna lift and you're gonna have to crawl out, capiche?" he said, leaving no room for argument as he stood up and got ready to hoist the concrete block off of Steve. _

_ "Okay, Tony, " Steve said, sounding slightly defeated, and Tony took a deep breath, hands gripping the concrete and lifting. _

_ He stopped when he heard Steve scream in pain. _

_ And he realized that there was no way to fix this. _

_ Because, when he lifted the concrete, he saw a big puddle of blood around Steve's torso, staining the ground around him a deep crimson.  _

_ The source of the blood? A steel rod that was jutting out of the concrete and was buried into Steve's stomach. _

_ "Tony, stop, please, " Steve murmured, face completely white and pinched. _

  
  


_ He felt like throwing up, the bile burning at the back of his throat and his gut churning wildly. He knew that there was absolutely no way that he could help Steve. _

_ And Steve seemed to know it, too. _

_ "Steve, " he said softly, voice cracking. _

_ "I know, Tony. It's okay." _

_ He watched as Steve grimaced, his blue eyes getting even duller.  _

_ And he knew that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that Steve was comfortable.  _

_ It was too late to gather medevac, and the team wouldn't be able to help. _

_ He had to respect Steve's wishes, even though he knew that it was wrong keeping the rest of the team in the dark. Keeping Sam and Bucky in the dark. And Natasha too. They had a special friendship, one he thought had formed due to her always being there for Steve after he had woken up into the twenty-first century. _

_ So he fell to his knees beside Steve and grabbed his hand, retracting his faceplate so that he could see Steve properly, instead of through the HUD. He could tell how bad the situation was, he didn't need the HUD to blare its alarms and flash its red lights at him. _

_ He could feel the tears running down the face, and for once in his life, he didn't care. He didn't try to wipe them away and hide their existence, because he was going to lose Steve. His best friend, his lover. _

_ "Please, Tony, don't cry. You know how much I hate seein' you cry, sweetheart, " Steve said, coughing wetly. _

_ He smiled down at Steve, biting his lip to keep his sobs silent. Here Steve was, dying an untimely death, an unfair death, and he was still trying to comfort Tony. _

_ "How can I not cry, Steve? You're leaving me. You're dying and all I can do is watch, " he said, tears falling faster and faster, his breath hitching. _

_ He squeezed Steve's hand, his heart dropping into his feet when Steve squeezed back a couple of seconds later, his grip weakening. _

_ "If it makes you feel better, I don't feel any pain. I - I could feel it earlier. It hurt a lot, but the pain's gone now, " Steve said. _

_ He nodded along, even though it made his heart hurt to admit that the one person he loved, was fading away. And it was true. _

_ His strong, brave Steve was dying. His grip had long since weakened in Tony's hand and his breathing had become even more labored, taking longer and longer for him to inhale and exhale. _

_ "Sure, Steve. I'm - I'm just glad you're not hurting, anymore, honey. You know, the team won't be happy if I don't tell them what's going on, right? I need to tell them, but is it selfish if I want to spend a few more minutes alone with you?" he whispered, bare hand touching the side of Steve's face. _

_ He'd ditched the suit long ago, wanting to feel Steve one last time. It was hard to really feel things in the armor, and he didn't want that barrier between him and Steve. Not right now. _

_ "N-no, sweetheart. 's not selfish. Want you here. Just you, nobody else. I love you so much, Tony. So, so much. Promise me you won't blame yourself for this?" _

_ Steve's blue eyes were fixed on his, though he could tell that his concentration was slipping. _

_ He smiled at Steve, biting his lip to keep from screaming at the unfairness of it all. _

_ He had plans dammit! A future for the two of them that included the stereotypical proposal, a home just for the two of them to escape to when things in the real world got too much, and the plan to retire side by side. _

_ And now none of that would be happening. _

_ He wouldn't be buying Steve that flashy ring. He wouldn't even get to complain about Steve's protests of how much the ring costed and demands that he return it for something less. _

_ Because the love of his life was dying in his arms. _

_ And if God or whoever the hell was watching this, they really had no regard for his happiness, did they? _

_ Because taking Steve away equaled taking away his happiness. Steve was all that made him happy.  _

_ He'd give up his suit and all his riches if it meant that Steve got to live. _

_ He squeezed Steve's hand and kissed his forehead, taking in a shaky breath before pressing a finger to the comm in his ear. _

_ "Guys?"  _

_ He was met with a million different voices ranging from annoyed to angry, but he didn't care. _

_ "Will you all just shut up! I - " _

_ Steve's eyes fluttered shut and he panicked. _

_ "Steve? Steve, no! No, come on, honey! Please, please, you promised, okay?" _

_ "Tony? What the hell is going on?" That was Natasha, sounding scarily calm. _

_ "Guys, please get to my location. I need - you need to come. It's Steve." _

_ "Stark, you're scaring us, man. Just tell us what's going on, " Sam spoke this time, sounding slightly panicked and out of breath. _

_ "Sam, just get here, okay? Steve is - Please, Steve, baby, not yet, okay? I need you to keep your eyes open a little longer for me. Can you do that?" _

_ He stopped in the middle of telling Sam where to find them, focusing instead on Steve whose grip had gone lax in his, eyes shut. _

_ In the five minutes that it took for him to ignore Sam and focus on Steve, the rest of the team had quickly arrived to where they were. _

_ Silence spread among the team, each of them in varied states of horror and sadness. _

_ The only one to say something was Bucky. _

_ Bucky fell to his knees beside Tony, gently pulling his hands away from Steve and pulled him into his embrace. _

_ Tony could feel the other brunet trembling, but Bucky continued to console him, instead of focusing on his own grievances. _

_ "It's going to be okay, Tony. I promise, " Bucky whispered. _

_ The rest of the team stood around them in a protective circle, holding onto one another silently. _

  
  
  


***

  
  


The funeral was nothing short of great, of course. Not that he had the effort to appreciate it. All he could think of was how much Steve would've hated it.

The twenty-one gun salute, the singing of the national anthem, people all claiming to have met him and them crying over him.

It was all fake.

And when it was time for the eulogy, he nearly had a goddamn breakdown because some pompous senator thought he had the right to stand up and talk about Steve as if he was everything but the great man he was, not so subtly criticizing him in front of the team and millions across the world.

Right as he was about to show the asshole exactly what he thought of him, Bucky grabbed him by the arm and forced him to sit down, whispering in his ear and telling him not to make a scene.

He didn't care whether he made a scene or not, but he couldn't sit there while some asswipe in an ill-fitting suit who didn't know what it was like to lay down on the wire, to risk his life for his country, spoke shit about Steve.

On his other side, Rhodey grabbed his hand, giving him a quick squeeze before letting go once again.

He faced forward, breathing deeply and holding back everything he wanted to say, choosing instead to look at the photograph of Steve.

It was a picture that he had taken after one of their dates. They'd gone to see a movie together, going to the late show and slipping in once the movie had already started and sitting in the back row. He can't remember much of the movie, because they'd been necking like a bunch of teenagers on their first date, laughing and spilling popcorn all over the place. What he can remember is leaving the show and driving to one of those diners that was open all night for something warm. They'd ended up sharing a stack of pancakes and cheesecake and a pot of coffee between them.

On the way back to their car he'd told Steve to smile, snapping a picture and threatening to post it on social media. In the end, it had been the background of his phone.

When the funeral is finally over, two hours and more than what seems like a million shared insincere grievances and condolences later, he's alone and at the front of the church where Steve's casket lay.

He gives Steve's picture one last look, and rubs his hand gently along the black casket for the last time before walking away.

He felt nothing but numb.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating this series. Honestly, I don't have an excuse this time, I've just been procrastinating lately and telling myself it's as a way for me to relax and focus on myself and my mental health, but really, I just watch Netflix and read. 
> 
> Tell me what you think! 
> 
> I promise to try and write more instead of watching Netflix *hides away* 😂
> 
> Love you all!


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